The easiest way to Bill Schmidt’s heart? Be in the same room.

No surprise gifts. No sweet nothings. Just be present, and wearing purple pinstripes. Because when the Rockies general manager gets a look at you in a Colorado uniform, there’s no turning back.

Bill Schmidt — D-

If only we all could find someone to love us like Schmidt loves his Rockies.

They may be last in the National League West with the third-worst run differential in the NL and most errors in all of Major League Baseball, but ol’ Bill just can’t quit these guys.

Instead, he keeps lining up extensions.

Yes, in the midst of a post-All Star break swoon in which his team lost 11 of 14 games, ending whatever small chance the Rockies had left of making the playoffs, Schmidt saw fit to extend 37-year-old closer Daniel Bard for two years and $19 million.

Then, after he was questioned about being the only GM who failed to execute a single trade at the deadline a few days later, Schmidt fired back that the Rockies were the only franchise to sign a player to an extension before the deadline.

Which, of course, wasn’t actually true.

But who can pay attention to such pesky details when Dinger is singing his sweet Siren Song?

The Grading the Week staff struggles to recall another general manager in the history of baseball so eager to hold on to a group of players who have achieved so little together.

We’re two months away from the Rockies putting the finishing touches on a fourth consecutive losing season. Yet in the last 12 months, Schmidt has extended catcher Elias Diaz (three years, $14.5 million), starting pitcher Antonio Senzatela (five years, $50.5 million), infielder Ryan McMahon (six years, $70 million) and starting pitcher Kyle Freeland (five years, $64.5 million).

Bard was the latest, if not the most head-scratching, extension handed out by Schmidt and Co.

To be fair: The right-hander has been a revelation for the Rockies this summer, posting a 2.04 ERA, 1.059 WHIP and 44 strikeouts in 39 2/3 innings entering Friday night, and converting 22 of 24 save opportunities.

But with the Rockies fading fast, it made all the sense in the world to deal the free-agent-to-be for prospects who could add depth to the team’s flagging farm system.

The Milwaukee Brewers, a team that actually has a legitimate shot at winning its own division, didn’t hesitate to trade their own closer (Josh Hader) when it became abundantly clear they were unlikely to retain his services following his final year of arbitration… in 2023.

Schmidt, meanwhile, opted against sending away someone he could’ve just as easily gotten back on that same two-year, $19 million deal after the dust settled this winter.

It’s not as if there would’ve been a bevy of suitors lining up to bid for Bard’s services once he hit the open market. As much as we love his incredible comeback story, he’s still a pitcher on the wrong side of 35.

Of course, we haven’t even broached the most obvious question: What good is a lights-out closer when the team he plays for can’t even give him consistent opportunities to, uh, close games?

If he’s wearing a ballcap with a silver “CR” emblazoned across the front, he’s too good for Schmidt to let go.