Lane Moore rose to the heights of New York’s comedy scene by transforming a hook-up app into a confessional, improvised show that channeled the anxieties of online dating.
But even as she’s continued performing and touring “Tinder Live with Lane Moore” — an interactive event in which Moore swipes through her Tinder profile and interprets the live, back-and-forth messages on stage — she took a hard turn into the world of books.
“I have spent my entire life researching trauma and psychology and attachment theory for my own well-being,” Moore said via phone from New York. “But I’ve found them to be lacking in terms of actual lived experiences.”
Luckily, Moore’s edgy but vulnerable humor and lifetime of research —Â including a past gig as Cosmopolitan Magazine’s Sex and Relationships editor — prepared her for her first book, 2018’s “How to Be Alone: If You Want To, and Even If You Don’t.” The nonfiction tome won national praise and sold well, with Moore embarking on TEDx Talks and starting a podcast, “I Thought It Was Just Me,” on Patreon while playing in her band, It Was Romance.
That would be more than enough for most performers, but not for Moore. The prolific comic’s second book explores the promise and pitfalls of platonic relationships with generous yet intimate writing. Published on April 25, “You Will Find Your People: How to Make Meaningful Friendships As An Adult” sports a national tour that brings Moore to Boulder’s Dairy Arts Center on Friday, May 12, to perform “Tinder Live” (thedairy.org), followed by a Saturday, May 13, reading and signing at The Tattered Cover on Colfax Avenue (tatteredcover.com).
Here are a few excerpts from our conversation, compiled from phone and email interviews, and edited for length and clarity.
Q: Why did you flip the premise of your last book and explore how to make connections instead of living with loneliness?
A: This really is a natural extension of “How to Be Alone,” since the two books ended up being a process that a lot of people go through in real life. I enjoy being alone, but how do I develop better relationships? How do I get that self-esteem, worth and love so I’m in a better position to make better choices? I don’t see being alone as a negative thing, but now I want to have closer friends and be better at choosing people. It’s a challenge.
Q: What aspects of your storytelling do you feel come out best on stage (i.e., “Tinder Live”) and which in writing?
A: The New York Times compared “Tinder Live” to an improvised sketch comedy show and it made me so happy to hear that because it really is. I’m having five totally different conversations with totally different energies on stage. I’m going back and forth between all of these sketches, telling different stories in each one in a way, and it’s incredible to be able to balance all that, and watch the audience say, “Go back, go back! This other person just replied!” They’re just as excited as I am to go through all these little worlds.
Q: “Tinder Live” seems like it could be a comedic gold mine, but also a bit of a minefield. Why do you think it works?
A: People often tell me, “If somebody else did this it would be really mean. But you do it in a really kind way.” I think I just have good instincts of (thinking), “That’s not where I’m going to go. I’m going to go over here.”
Q: Self-help books often have a negative connotation. Are you concerned about being seen as a self-help author?
A: It’s just a genre and I don’t really think of my books that way. I’m not a fan of writing from a place of, “I figured this out in three days and now I’m fine!” Or, “You have trouble making friends? Go to a fun bar!” I hate stuff that oversimplifies it. Oh, really, having a billion dollars makes life easier? I’m stunned. I want to go deeper than that because a lot of us are doing those things, and they’re not really working.
Q: Since you’ve done both, what are some differences, or similarities, between music-touring and book-touring?
A: All of it is about connection. Whether I’m writing a song, or writing a book, they’re all different mediums for finding the right words, the right way to describe something so that someone in the audience says, “Yes! That’s exactly how it feels.” And that’s just the most special thing in the world to be able to do as an artist.
Q: What’s your writing process and environment like? What helps? Or hurts?
A: I usually write with my dog Lights in my lap or very nearby, which is why I had to dedicate this book to her, really. She’s such a huge part of why I’ve been able to make friends, because her friendship is so special and important to me. I try to take as many breaks as possible to take her for walks and to play with her. She’s a really good reminder to come out of that writing cave and take breaks.
Q: What aspect of this tour are you enjoying the most?
A: Connecting with everyone who comes to the shows and the events, and seeing all my friends who I don’t get to see as often as I’d like. Making friends as an adult is such a vulnerable topic, and people have so much joy and pain and disappointment around trying to make meaningful friendships. But this book really opens a dialogue about that struggle.
