The tears trickling down Tony Girard’s cheeks would have flowed in straight lines were it not for a smile as wide as Quebec diverting their path.
In that moment, there may not have been a happier person on the planet, nor a father more filled with pride.
There was his boy, a little misty-eyed as well, looking up at him from the ice inside Bell Centre, hockey’s greatest modern cathedral, in Montreal. A couple of his son’s friends skated over and waved to Tony and the rest of the Girard family. They all shared in an incredibly emotional moment.
It was Samuel Girard’s first time back in his home province with the Avalanche since taking a leave of absence from the team to enter the NHL/NHLPA Player Assistance Program. His family was there to watch the team’s morning skate and celebrate how far he’d come.
“It’s been a long road but I’m glad I’m in a good spot now,” Samuel Girard told The Denver Post. “You don’t know what people are going to think or say, but I just had to do it for myself. I had so much support, from my wife and my parents and my family. I don’t have social media, but I heard about all the fans supporting me. My teammates were supporting me, the staff, the whole organization.
“It wasn’t easy to take that decision, but I’m glad I did it.”
“You just know”
Samuel Girard was not in a good place, and he knew it. He was hiding it all, but Girard was waging a war and he was losing.
The anxiety, the depression, the alcohol he used to cope when holding everything inside was too much. That he was still playing hockey in the NHL as well as he did despite all of it was remarkable.
For about a year and a half, he managed all of it. Until he just couldn’t anymore.
“At one point, you just reach the bottom,” Girard said. “I felt like I was there. There was a lot of time where I was wondering if I actually needed help or not. You just know. It’s hard to describe, but your mind or your body just tells you it’s time to get some help. I needed people to help me.”
The NHL and NHLPA announced that Girard entered the player assistance program Nov. 24. At first, he didn’t want to tell anyone why. But that was part of his behavioral patterns that he needed to break.
So he released a statement through his agency, CAA, to let the world know why he needed help. It was another significant step, after making the big decision.
“I’ve never been that kind of person who likes to talk about how I feel. I just keep everything inside,” Girard said. “It was a big decision. Obviously, I was pretty scared at first. There were some ups and downs.”
Girard spent 30 days away from home at a facility. At first, he felt alone, but he quickly realized these were the people that he had needed for so long.
And it wasn’t just the people who worked at the facility who helped him find the path back.
“The big thing was I didn’t know how many people were struggling with the same things as me,” he said. “In my head, I thought it was just me. There’s actually a lot of people. There’s nothing to be ashamed of. If you need help, you need help. To be able to talk about what I was dealing with has been a huge weight off my shoulders.”
“He’s in a better place”
Girard was cleared to return to practice by the NHL and NHLPA on Dec. 22. On New Year’s Eve, he was back in the Avalanche lineup for the first time in 43 days.
Fans brought signs to Ball Arena with Girard’s name on them. They showered him with multiple ovations.
“I think people, and fans especially, want to see you succeed,” Avs defenseman Josh Manson said. “They want to see you in a good place and want to see you happy. Especially in today’s day and age, mental health is such a big topic. There are people speaking out about it. The community is great.
“The signs, everyone supporting him, pushing him along. It was awesome.”
Girard and Manson have settled in together as Colorado’s second defense pairing. The Avs never wavered in their support for Girard, both when he made the decision to get help and after he returned.
Manson has been through a lot this season as well. His mother, Lana, passed away just before it started after a long battle with melanoma. His father, Dave, was let go by the Edmonton Oilers early in the season.
“I think it all falls under the category of mental health,” Manson said. “I think for people in the situations that both of us went through, to talk about it is great. Sometimes you don’t want to talk about it, but sometimes you do. You want to have someone there with an ear inquiring and asking and interested, so I just want to make sure I’m there for him, if and when he needed it.”
Girard and Jonathan Drouin have a natural connection as the two French-Canadian players on the team. They didn’t know each other that well before Drouin joined the club during the offseason, but they were bound to get closer over a long season.
Drouin has also spent time in the player assistance program when he played for the Montreal Canadiens. He also struggled with mental health issues, namely anxiety and insomnia.
“I didn’t live his situation, but I lived kind of the same situation,” Drouin said. “You hide it and hide it and hide it. You get good at hiding it, almost, and it becomes part of your life.”
When Drouin arrived in Denver, he willingly spoke about his mental health battle. When Girard returned to the team, he tried to help his new friend get comfortable again in a different way.
“I don’t like talking about it that much,” Drouin said. “We’ve talked about it a little, but we are trying to be regular people and live a regular life. You don’t always want to go back to your past and what happened. Sometimes it can trigger a couple of things in your brain. But he and I talk about a lot of stuff, and I’m just happy to see him happy.
“He’s in a better place. It’s nice to see him smile and enjoy hockey again.”
“One day at a time”
Girard is in a good place now, and he knows it. He’s not hiding anymore.
He’s still fighting a battle, but he knows he’s winning.
“I’m talking to a therapist now. That helps me a lot,” Girard said. “When you come out in the real world, they give you the tools to deal with this better than you did in the past.
“The big thing is you’ve just got to go one day at a time. I’m not somebody that likes to think about the past or the future. Actually, when I’m thinking about the future or the past, I find it hard. Living day by day, I’m just going to care about today. I don’t want to worry about tomorrow. I don’t care about next week or next month. My brain just has to get used to that. We don’t know what’s going to happen tomorrow, so why am I putting so much pressure on myself?”
Just getting the help he needed was an important part of Girard’s story, but another part developed as well. He’s played some of the best hockey of his life since returning.
At one point, Bednar called it the best stretch of his career. The coach also admitted that how well he and Manson had played together made it a little easier for the organization to part with its top young player, Bo Byram, in a trade to land a long-term solution at No. 2 center, Casey Mittelstadt.
Girard has always been an offensive dynamo. He’s a great skater and passer, but there’s been a growing appreciation beyond the locker room walls at Ball Arena and Family Sports Center about his overall game and ability to excel at both ends of the ice.
“People don’t realize how well he breaks the puck out,” Manson said. “For an undersized guy, he goes back and gets the first touch a lot of times – the majority of times. Even against bigger guys, he finds a way to make the right play and get us out of the zone.”
For a brief period, Girard’s story took a detour. Not only did the Avalanche lose 7-0 to the Winnipeg Jets on April 13, but he left the game early and was diagnosed with a concussion.
Girard missed the final two games of the regular season and the start of the playoffs.
“Things happen for a reason. I don’t know what the reason was, but those things happen,” Girard said. “You can’t control that. I’ve got nothing to do with it. But in the past, I probably would have dealt with that another way. I just took the time I needed to make sure I was back at 100%. The staff did a great job. It’s not like a shoulder injury. It’s my head. It sucked. You want to play in the playoffs, but it’s your head.”
Girard returned to the lineup for Game 3 against Winnipeg and had an assist in the win. He averaged nearly 21 minutes per game in the final three contests of that series, a slight tick up from his regular-season numbers.
He looked like he hadn’t missed a beat. Manson lauded his mental toughness. Bednar raved about his ability to handle the physical side of defending, even in the heightened environment of the playoffs.
For Girard, it was the same feeling he had during the regular season.
“When your anxiety is so high and you try to deal with that, you go towards alcohol to help with that. When you drink alcohol, maybe you have the day off the next day but you don’t feel 100%,” he said. “Even after a couple of days. Obviously, I played a couple of times like not 100%. Maybe I was 90% and I could still play hockey.
“But now I’m actually 100% like my head is all there. I feel great on the ice. I have less anxiety as well. The hockey part, like my body feels way better. My mind feels way better.”
It’s still a long road ahead for Girard, but now he’s far more prepared. He’s no longer hiding issues that affected his mental health, and he’s not afraid to speak up to try and help others.
“There’s been people who have come up to me and say they are supporting me, they have been through that stuff,” Girard said. “I’ve met a lot of people here. They are my friends now. They’ve been through the same things, and it’s nice to have people around you who have been there. It makes it easier to talk to people who have been through the same things.
“Why would I be shy about it? I want to be the best version of myself, off-ice and on ice as well. There’s nothing to be ashamed of. That’s why I had to reach out for help.”
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